The Graft

[appeared in the malawi news in april 2013]

Andisen, after collecting the Mercedes Benz at the border, drove it at a reasonable speed. Some Rock numbers, the music he loved, stemmed from the car music system. He knew it would help to keep him awake in his long drive to Chididi.

The sedan belonged to the Chief of Operations for the Anti-Corruption Commission (ACC). He was a very powerful man who sent people running at the snap of his fingers especially for being well connected with the ruling elite of the country. Nonetheless, Andisen did not allow that to make him lose his senses and take the highway ethics for a ride. He did not want people to think he was deliberately breaking regulations because he was ‘untouchable’ that day being at the service of one of the most powerful men in the country. 

Rather that day apart from making sure the car was roadworthy, Andisen went to the extreme of being an excellent driver; he had his driver’s license nearby to avoid the widespread ‘fumblings’ by motorists when the Traffic Police would demand for it. He also, first thing, tightened his seat-belt the moment he entered the vehicle. He even stopped just to answer his mobile if the call required his urgent attention.  

He continued to drive prudently and several kilometers later he stopped unworriedly when two traffic policemen waved him to a stop, knowing he was clean.

 

Andisen did not know though that the two ‘white headed and khaki bodied’ stopping him were marauding souls who had taken the road as their loaded ATM. They were people always set to squeeze blood through flimsy charges from already ‘malnourished’ pockets of motorists, people at the mercy of devaluation repercussions. The two even went to any length in striving to corner even careful motorists, and would even place a small boy nearby for motorists to leave the bribes when they felt they might be exposed if they received the bribe themselves through those suspicious handshakes. The two acted with impunity in the area and rumor had it that those who reported them to their superiors got censured or even threatened. 

 “May I see your driver’s license and the documents for the car, please,” one of the police officers, a black like charcoal fat looking man, demanded in a reverberating voice, approaching Andisen’s door. Andisen handed them within seconds. The policeman walked to the back of the vehicle at a slow pace like he had the whole day.

“Parking lights and horn, please,” the officer shouted from the back. Andisen did the needful.

“Your spare tyre and red triangle, please.” Andisen opened the rear bonnet, climbed down and showed him.

“Sir, everything seems in order except that you’re using unregistered vehicle!”

Andisen was stunned and fought a laborious battle to stop from laughing at the joke or the pathetic ignorance on display before him.

“Please pay 5000 Malawi Kwacha fine,”

“Sir, as you can see from the papers the vehicle is an IT, and it has just been cleared today,” Andisen reasoned with the police office after noting he was dead serious.

“You, don’t ‘sir’ me, and don’t force me to see things I’m not interested in!” the law enforcer shouted, wrinkles raiding his forehead.

Andisen was beginning to lose his composure.

“When you’re ready I’ll be over there.” The officer said, beginning to walk away.

“Officer, what is the meaning of this?” Andisen fumed.

“What’s the problem here?” the other policeman, a thin statured creature who seemed the senior ranked and had been busy with other motorists the other side of the road, joined in.

“Sir...” Andisen started.

“Shut up! I’m not asking you,” Andisen was brutally cut shot.  “Or are you insinuating a noble police officer is the one causing problems?” Andisen kept quiet.

“Sir, this man is using an IT car and is refusing to pay. All he is asking are meanings as if we’re in a philosophy class,” the fat police officer said, coming to rigid attention.

“Sir, I’m not using...”

“I told you to shut up!”

Andisen now was furious in all departments. It was now time to send the two shameless stinky corrupt police officers huffing and sweating like pigs.

“Sir, this is corruption and corruption is a crime,” he exploded, not allowing the two policemen to interrupt him as he went into full swing. “You should know that corruption by police officers like you detracts from the integrity of the police and tarnishes the public image of law enforcement. Moreover, corruption by the police protects criminality. And right now I’m calling the owner, the Chief Operations Officer for the ACC, to inform him about this.” Andisen finished emphatically. 

The two policemen wanted to wave him through after sensing real trouble but Andisen was already in action over his mobile he had deliberately put on hands free, enjoying every moment of the show. And you could actually see the two poor souls shaking like reeds in a raging river.

“Hallo, sir,” Andisen said triumphantly when the other side answered. “I just want to report that I’m being detained here by police officers who are demanding a bribe over…”

“You mean you can’t give the police a small carrot so that my multi-million vehicle can pass smoothly? Don’t be silly.” The call was cut. 

You should have seen the speed at which the optimism evaporated from Andisen’s face.